I was ashamed of being small and skinny.
I was ashamed of being smart and creative, but not in conventional ways.
I was ashamed of being introverted.
I was ashamed when I couldn’t live up to other people’s expectations, especially those I loved.
I was ashamed because everyone else told me my life had a clear purpose, and even though I believed that, I couldn’t immediately define that purpose.
I was ashamed because I believed any tension in a relationship was a result of my failures, and thus required me to fix things.
I was ashamed.
I still struggle with shame, but I will no longer be its hostage. I have good qualities. I have bad qualities. I am defined by neither. I am who I choose to be, and I choose to be forgiven by God and made new. I have that option available to me because of my relationship with Jesus.
I needed to tell myself this today. I probably need to say even more, dive into some deeper waters and make peace with some things that still try to bring me low, but I’ll hold off on that for another time. For now, it is enough to acknowledge that shame has no power over me because I am a child of God. It’s not that I’m incapable of being corrected or that I’m “too big for my britches”; it’s that I’m discovering something greater, freer and more powerful in Christ than I’ve ever known before.
I wish the process were easier, but the process itself is what brings healing. It’s what brings growth.
And it’s available to anyone who would want it.